This is a place meant for fake princesses and people who want to behave like them. Just like the old place with metal wings sprouting out of carbonite on the front door, this one looks like a fake castle at an off-brand Disneyland. Not only was I bamboozled by this moving scene, but I was also then flabbergasted when she pulled up to her new house and it is - and I swear, Moneybags, this is the truth - exactly the same as the old house. I don’t know if that is because Frank is a reasonable person or whether the squeals of his daughter’s pet chinchilla seem to be the same as the adorable giggle of his son, amateur bodybuilder and professional gay crush object Frankie. I am much more enamored with Frank Catania moving back into his ex-wife’s house to live with his adult children. They want us to love her when her behavior, from start to finish, has been as lovable as a beeping Tamagotchi. We see all the memories of Teresa and her family lovingly using the space, we see them tearing up at the memories they are going to miss, but there is no mention of Teresa’s jail sentence, her husband going to prison, or any of the crimes she has committed against decency and intellect. It must be someone with a fine-stone-and-fake-antique fetish.

Unbelievably, someone bought the house but also this furniture. It begins with the Bravo Television Network trying to gaslight me (well, all of its viewers) with a very loving scene where Teresa moves her and her four daughters out of the onyx expanse that we saw her once spend $120,000 in cash trying to furnish. I’m sure you will need some examples to provide to HR when you inevitably approve my very reasonable request. I feel like my years of covering her on this show have given me the reality-television equivalent of whatever happens to football players that makes their brains ooze out of their noses after too many tackles. That is because of the damage that one Teresa Giudice is doing to my intellect, sanity, and goodwill. Now, Moneybags … Can I call you Moneybags? Now, Moneybags, you might be asking why I will need this raise, the only one I have ever asked for in my near decade of service as a Real Housewives chronicler and sympathizer.

I am now going to require hazard pay for all future RHONJ recaps. I have accepted my payment of a free membership to the website, unfettered use of a Carvel ice-cream black card, and early access to shirtless photo spreads of James McAvoy for far too long. As the owner and chief executive officer of Vulture Website and Ramen Emporium LLC, I am writing to inform you that what you pay me to recap the Real Papa Gino’s of Cherry Hill Township is no longer sufficient. Vulture, as the owner and cheap executive officer of Vulture Website and Ramen Emporium LLC … Oh, sorry. From: Dame Brian Moylan, President and Founder of the Housewives Instituteĭear Mr.

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